You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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