someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
