Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
