i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
