eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
