I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
