I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
