guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
