did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
