I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
