just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
