It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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