if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
