At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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