I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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