They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
