We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
