i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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