i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
