My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
