captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's shark week go big or go home
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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