i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
