He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
