i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
