no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
