do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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