Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
