I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
