arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
