Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
