Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
