He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
