I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
