Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
