please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
