I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
