Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
