I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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