I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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