my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
