What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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