Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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