Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
