my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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