My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
