I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
