Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
