I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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