So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
