I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
