I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
