It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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