Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
