I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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