Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize