I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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