I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
