Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
