i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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