Well apparently he's into motor boating.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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