Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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