You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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