I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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