I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
