you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
