Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
