i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
