i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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