what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
