i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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