At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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