your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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