so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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