From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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