I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
