you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
