Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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