she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
