is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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