Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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