"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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