Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
