im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
