my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
