I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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