Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
