im drinking this country out of the recession.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
