i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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