Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
