fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's the barista slut.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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