Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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