Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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