Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
